~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IN THE AGE OF HIGH GAS / PETROL PRICES
Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her
rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.
As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned
out, but she could wait until it was returned.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait
and walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and
spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.
Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it
with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across
the street.
One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning
Catholic."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS -- WARNING !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BABY'S FIRST DOCTORS VISIT
This made me laugh out loud.
I hope! it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for
the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby.
He checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby
was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did.
He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for
a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby
is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ADULT MATERIAL FOLLOWS -- WARNING !!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OLD AGE TALENTS
An old man and old woman met after both became residents at a
retirement home.
They began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each others company.
After about 3 weeks of getting to know each other, the old man said to
the woman, "I know we are both old and can't do much sexually anymore,
but if I pulled out my penis, would you hold it?"
The woman did not see what that would hurt, so she said she would.
Every day for the next month the couple would sit in the park by the
lake and the old woman would hold the man's penis.
One day the man didn't show up at their regular meeting place.
The woman became concerned and set out to search for him.
Further down the shore she spotted him sitting on a bench, with
another woman beside him.
She walked up to the bench to find his penis in the other woman's hand.
This upset her very much and she yelled at the old man, "We have been
together for 2 months now, I thought we were getting along just fine.
Now I find you here with this other woman. What does she have that I
don't?"
"Parkinson's Disease!" replied the old man with a smile.
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