THE BIBLE ACCORDING TO KIDS
THE STORY OF ELIJAH:
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah
the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal.
She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the
steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah
commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it
over the altar. He had them do this four times.
"Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord
would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I
know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"
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LOT'S WIFE:
The Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back
and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My
Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced
triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
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DID NOAH FISH?:
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."
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HIGHER POWER:
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning
how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a
higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MOSES AND THE RED SEA:
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in
Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines
on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got
to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the
people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for
reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the
Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother
asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never
believe it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kids and Prayers
BEING THANKFUL
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says
your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister's prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle
from one of the back pews.
Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after
church, asked, "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?"
Gary answered, soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle ... and He
just then did!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TIME TO PRAY
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night..
"Yes sir," the boy replied.
"And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.
"No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE BLESSING
My wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, "Would
you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," she replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said.
Our daughter bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I
invite all these people to dinner?"
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BEWARE OF TRASH
One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our 'trash
baskets' as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother's house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny wait until we say our prayer."
"I don't have to," The boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer, before
eating, at our house."
"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and
she knows how to cook!"
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